A Major Affair
By Kelly Kellerman
SCENE: Three women are sitting at a table in a cocktail lounge.
It is late afternoon and the “girls” have had more than one cocktail
And are discussing their friend who is late arriving.
Sheila: I’m telling you there is something peculiar going on with Dot.
Louise: Yeah, I think so too. She seems so happy.
Alice: You know what that means don’t you?
Louise: Oh no. Not Dot!
Sheila: She is showing all the signs.
Alice: I mean it seems kind of odd. You two maybe, but not Dot
Shelia: What do you mean we two? I am a very happily married woman.
Louise: Yeah, me too.
Alice: You know what I mean, Dot is so quiet. Who would suspect.
Shelia: God, I’m dying to know.
Louise: How can we find out?
Alice: We could ask her.
Louise: If she Wanted us to know wouldn’t she have told us by now.
Shelia: What if it is one of our husbands?
Alice: You think. Harry has been working late ,a lot!
Louise: I wouldn’t put it past Jack but Dot doesn’t seem his type.
Shelia: What do you mean?
Louise: He likes them tall, young and big busted.
Alice: I thought you said you were happily married?
Louise: Yeah, except for that.
Shelia: It’s not Bill, I have a hard time getting him off the couch
To come eat.
Alice: I have to know what is going on with Dot. Whatever it is, I could use a little.
Louise: You mean you would have an affair.
Alice: Why not? Things are pretty dull around my house.
Sheila: I don’t think Bill would notice.
Louise: In my case it would only be fair.
Alice: I don’t know how to get started.
Louise and Sheila: (together) Me either .
Shelia: It has been a long time since I was with another man.
Louise: I was never with another man.
Alice: Here comes Dot. I am going to ask her.
Louise: Hi Dot, Alice: Where you been?, Shelia: You smell good.
Dot: I was over at Macy’s I needed some new underwear and I was sampling perfumes.
Alice: New underwear?
Dot: My stuff is all so plain, I jazzed it up a little bit.
Louise: Is there something your not telling us?
Shelia: Yeah, why are you so happy?
Alice: We want to know if you are having an affair?
Dot: It sure took you guys long enough to figure it out.
All three women scream and all start to talk at once
When do you have time?, Anybody we know?, For how long?
Dot : One at a time. I need a drink (Orders drink)
Louise: Dot, come on tell us!
Dot: Well it happens every Friday night, when Ed goes to his poker game.
Alice: Where do you go?
Sheila: Who with?
Dot: I don’t go anywhere. They come there.
Shelia: (Shocked) More than one?
Louise: I don’t understand
Dot: Well it is very simple. Friday nights I put on my best perfume, slip on my peignoir, I turn the lights down low, light some candles
pour some wine and get into my hot tub.
Alice: That all sounds very nice but why do you call it an affair?
Shelia: We all got hot tubs. Whats so special about yours?
Dot: in my hot tub is where I meet, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford and PAUL NEWMAN.
Louise: Paul Newman is dead!
Dot: Believe me: when he is in MY hot tub, he ain’t dead!
End
